Random-ness ~ from Bubbles's blog...

comments i promised her about her entry ~ http://bubblybubbs.blogspot.com/2008/09/random.html

some parts of it i agree...some parts not...


here goes...love is idealistic yes. but love is also a lot of hard work...i tink i not in good position to say this now...cuz not been practicing. Wif higher awareness, i can.

i wrote the above a few days ago...now i forgot wat I wanted to write...let me try again...

idealistically, love shld be wat u tink...i like u, u like me, let's get together... perfect! But then...wif the increased complexity of human relations, such things do still happen..but seldom stay in place... as wif everything else tt is evolving...human relations too...

life buoy...guilty of it..tt's y i always say women are ke lian... actually men too... it's how stress is affecting everyone... i feel la. not trying to blame it on smtg. ppl juz need support... some more, some less... some suppress feelings when not given support...some find other outlets... some get addicted to vices... it's coping mechanism... good or bad, depends on individual... some juz get addicted to getting into relations...getting the high.. getting the support and undivided attention... i agree the act is selfish...

i still believe platonic frenship exists leh.... is it really cuz 1 side is waiting silently? i tink platonic frenship can exist la...juz maybe not very very close...otherwise it wld be quite true tt thr r some sort of feelings involved. actually dun u tink...even between girl frens, feelings hv to be strong for 2 girls to be very good frens? sometimes even can be possessive towards frens rite? if such feelings exist between 1 guy and 1 girl, even tho they r frens... it's wrong? - food for thought..

next point...girl calling up a guy who is attached, to share tots and feelings...hmm...i dunno leh..to me, i tink most guys, if attached, wldn't be SO free to entertain other girls... tt is if he is fully committed to the rs he is in... cuz he got to have time for the gf since maintaining a rs is hard work (but pleasurable hard work) and oso find time for himself...add on time for work etc...whr got time? sms maybe can la. but phonecall? thr shld be smtg wrong lor...once or twice ok...too many...not so gd... if i am the gf, i might be able to tolerate...but i tink the guy shld zi dong lor... hahahaha....

last point.... dun suppress feelings girl... show them! i tink u can be quite explosive if u do.. but wat the heck... u know...? strangle tt idiot soon...bang his head agst the wall many times till he can tink properly... get the drift?

see my entry abt the 10 tot-provoking stmts... let me copy it here again...?
付出真心，才会得到真心，却也可能伤得彻底。
保持距离，就能保护自己，却也注定永远寂寞。

how would you wanna live your life? really such great need to protect urself? can i offer my shoulder if u ever need 1? although i might not be the 1st fren u will tink of for that.... i am offering mine... ya?

have been telling u many times... go for it? wat can u lose? if u dun go for it? wat can u lose again? do a SWOT analysis if u must...haha... i wld say....go wif ur gut feel.. dun wan regrets in life...

read the speech by Adrian Tan...dun it inspire u? To love someone... *love and give all u can... do not expect anything in return... even if the person dun love u back, it's not a tragedy*

i guess i said my piece...

wait...come to tink of it...i dun learn...still gets myself into trouble....

reply to nameless..

was typing in the comments window but found it got too long..so decided to make it a post..

dear nameless..

i disagree wif the 1st stmt..

those who only think, misses the pain of life but oso the happiness..only a spectator, never a participant...

those who only feel, fails to make lasting happiness possible...

so maybe it really doesn't hv to be either 1 only...combine the 2 and tt's life for u...most ppl do not use only thinking or feeling..

u love and u feel but to make it last longer...u tink of ways to handle the imperfections and limitations...relationship is definitely an art...and a science...

so the only difference sometimes is whether this is a person u really love and wants to make an effort wif...which is so difficult to find... my mind goes back to wat adrian tan says... "To love someone" really...

life really is too short to be miserable... letting go takes time and takes 2...when it requires paperwork... :( when it's all over, it's time for healing...

i hv generally been an optimistic person...otherwise i wldn't hv been able to survive till now..and yes i learn and i grow...and i will not give up on myself..

thanks nameless! i dunno u but thanks..

Understanding and Accepting limitations in human is difficult...

life is not easy...

most important is still to be happy...

fren juz gave me the advice - do not be afraid to be judged by people who do not know you. I agree but just difficult to do it...

and this, another thing that all does but none will admit... - 爱是要付出，也要自我保护的。

i know when i really love, i give everything i have. Judge me if you want. You have not been loved by me, you wouldn't know.

It's only when i am disappointed or hurt, that I withdraw.

Welcome those who want to judge me and hurt me...I grow from all your comments, to be stronger. Thanks.

十句值得深思的话

something i got on sms today from FY..which i tot is really nice...and tot-provoking... but smart me, din type it out on my own...i searched for it on internet... smart rite? haha.. chinese typing juz aren't me...wld hv taken me 1hr? haha...so here it is..

十句值得深思的话

1。 没有100分的另一半， 只有50分的两个人。

2。 付出真心，才会得到真心，却也可能伤得彻底。保持距离，就能保护自己，却也注定永远寂寞。

3。 通常愿意留下来跟你争吵的人，才是真正爱你的人。

4。 有时候不是对方不在乎你， 而是你把对方看得太重。

5。 冷漠，有时候并不是无情， 只是一种避免被伤害的工具。

6。 如果我们之前有1000步的距离，你只要跨出第一步，我就会朝你的方向走其余的999步。

7。 为你的难过而快乐的是敌人。 为你的快乐而快乐的是亲情。为你的难过而难过的就是那些该放进心里的人。

8。 就算是Believe中间也藏了一个lie.

9。 真正的好伴侣，并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题， 而是在一起就算不说话，也不会感到尴尬。

10。 真实的爱情就是被你看透了，还能喜欢你的人。

some enlightenment..

no one dared to comment on my previous entry...i guess i sounded too aggressive? Anyway I was upset.

someone did point out to me about some things though..which i find very true.

i gave the time (a deadline), i have to honour it. - This i agree and I will. I was just hoping if we were on the same page, we cld reach a conclusion earlier. If more time is needed, I will give. i wasn't forcing it. but thankfully i checked otherwise i wld get a shock at the deadline. tt's worse.

I gave the time, i cannot control the way the time is used. - this did not occur to me. But i find it true too. I guess i had tot my messages were going through to him, thus we might be getting to the same page. well..apparently not. that explains the shock. but really, i shld respect the way he uses his time.

so i will do that.

although i am still fixed on wat i wan to do. i also believe i have been doing watever i can to get my messages across, hoping he will understand. whether or not they get through, depends on the openness of the other person.

and openness is really relative. he wld tink i am closed to his ideas..and him to mine. i can see that. however, it depends on whether it's a informed kind of closed OR a CLOSED closed. i believe i have tot through many things and came to my conclusion. somehow i can't believe the same for him, due to various reasons...like not sharing, thus i really can't understand wat he's tinking..or maybe he's juz not bothering to tink abt it. juz fixed on the idea he doesn't wan wat i wan. period.

i believe i hv been doing, to the best of my ability, wat i can to help him come to terms. sharing feelings, tinkings, learnings and why it will not work... sometimes this isn't comfortable for me either. i really hope this will not be a bitter end. i dun wan tt. but if things continue along this line...it's difficult not to... 2 ppl communicating on different levels can't get to the same point.

like i say, i do care but the feelings juz aren't the same anymore and won't be anymore...

absolute amazement...

Totally amazed last night with someone...

after a few months of tinking, he's still bent on working it out and continuing.. in spite of saying he knows wat i need, he's not doing it. He claims he knows i need emotional support and sharing of feelings... yet he is not doing it. whether it is choice or watever i dunno.

I had given him the time to come to terms wif wat is going to happen. i had been very patient with him cuz i know wat he is like, he needs LOTSA TIME cuz he need to procastinate. giving him till end of the year to come to terms wif wat is going to happen. helping him along wif watever thinking he needs to do. giving him a chance to know wat i am thinking and feeling...and how i had felt since a while ago, when we were still together. and basically convincing him that this is not going to work out.

he basically does not understand how i feel at all...which is a very big problem for me.

yty he shocked me when he told me he wanted to work it out. i tot the previous toks we had has made progress on why it wldn't work out. But wat he told me really shocked me. he still wanna try and work it out.

i was totally mortified.

when i asked him why...he say cuz he still love me. then i asked him wat is love. and i con't - love is wanting the person to be happy and take care of the person. love is not making tt person miserable, even when u know u cannot provide for her wat she needs. he keep quiet.

the time i hv given...i explained to him last nite. was to let him come to terms wif the decision. for those who might know me btr, i am not a totally heartless person, i can only say if i feel a person is trying, i will still try. in spite of anything tt i say. THUS if i felt there was any effort from his part, i prob wld re-assess and see wat can be done.

All the while, i dun tink any effort has been done on his part. He has done some thinking, i will acknowledge tt and I hv told him i appreciate this. but he has been telling me he knows wat i need. BUT i haven't seen him doing them yet.
1) he knows i need to share wat i tink and feel and need to know how the other person is feeling and tinking - has he been telling me how he feels and getting to know how i feel on a daily basis? NO.
2) Most of the time, the contacts between me and him are initiated by me, when i tot of smtg tt i wld like his opinion of. like i tot we were making some progress and if we cld move faster to settle the paperwork. Or when I have tots and feelings tt i wld like to share. HE has not shared much wif me before. NOT even after he claims he knows i NEED to know...
3) this thing abt wanting to continue - came out only when i asked him a 2nd time abt wanting to settle the paperwork earlier. it's the lack of effort and refusal to change that really convinces me it is not going to work out.
4) this is worse - i told him i am trying to come to terms wif another thing from the past but i do not wan to share wif him. he asked me 2 more times to tell him. i asked him to stop INTERROGATING me. sharing is voluntary. if a person doesn't wan to share, u hv to leave the person alone. there must be a reason. or coax the person to, gently. NOT FORCE the person to share. when u dun normally share wif a person, how can u suddenly be able to. i am really not a machine...and even if a person is more comfy dealing wif machines, dun treat me like 1 cuz i really am not.

All the above shows that he is JUST NOT getting the POINT!

There is just so much a person can take. and so much a person can accommodate. when it's not going to work out, no matter how much u say u love a person, it's no use. love is not to be said. love is making the effort.. to make the person happy even if u make urself uncomfortable.

that, unfortunately, is sorely lacking. on my side. i feel i hv done wat i shld over the years we hv been together.
when i asked him why he wants to continue. he cldn't answer. i answered for him -

cuz i have been taking such good care of him so he doesn't want to leave.
but i am leaving because i haven't had anyone to take care of me in the rs.

In spite of wat OTHERS see and tink, maybe cuz it's more internal/emotional things i do, i hv been accommodating to him much more than ppl can observe. i take care of his feelings and dun let him look bad in front of frens, take care of his daily needs, anticipate his needs...

A fren told me not to be bothered by wat others say - others can never understand wat is really going on between a couple. This i agree. he looks like he is accommodating me on the surface. in actual fact, he has stifled my emotions for such a long time, i have lost much of myself. in fact, last nite when i was toking to him...i felt more like myself when i argued. i was not accommodating him for once and really arguing. i had always tried to tink of how he will feel and not wan to hurt him...in spite of how he looks brave on the surface, he isn't tt strong.

i tink the time apart has done me well.. i am still me and whoever i am wif, better accept me as i am... otherwise i guess this is wat happens. won't end well.

For the last time, i would like to say...it is not going to work out. How you deal with things and feelings is not going down well with me. Finding someone more compatible is much better than to change yourself now to accommodate. makes both unhappy.

i know i wldn't be happy cuz when i am wif a person, i wan tt person to be happy. tt's how i tend to give more so tt person wld be comfortable. not many ppl know me well...i tink...but my partner has to. That is a must!

Another thing - it's like a given, i hv spoken to a few frens - guys and girls, that a man must be able to support the wife. If not emotionally, then financially. For girls, prefer emotionally, if all else fails, at least financially. I agree with this...and i was saying..in my words, i need to feel the person is taking care of me in at least 1 way. otherwise wat is the marriage for?

Hurdles in Life

i am in the office...now...working on something... I know I just sit on things when they are not due yet... haha.. actually i only do that to things i hate to do... most people do that rite?

Anyway what I am doing now is the budget... the format is changed again this year...for the 2-3 years i am here...nothing has not changed from year to year... haha...

this year, the system is sophisticated! looks very nice..but i have little idea how to populate it! haha... anyway trying to make sense out of it now... wish can print out cuz easier to see the FULL picture now i can only scroll around it on my screen, which isn't exactly a 42" monitor... :(

this is 1st hurdle...

several other hurdles for me now... some human relations problem...

- someone experienced resisting my efforts to do my job well...i.e. to suggest changes which either benefits the process or make things clearer for others to understand... there has always been much resistance from this person...esp now that I dun have a boss. The boss would be able to control things around here... =( I juz wish I won't be forced to go higher up...which is never my intention.

hmm..personal stuff... still trying to let someone understand wat the real problem is and how it happened. where the incompatibility is...and why it wld not work out... the more i think of it and the more we toked about it...the more i realised that the level of understanding of me and maybe oso of him is so low...

wonder why i never realised it..how i was so blind to all those things... i guess i was more focused on other things (like getting my own home or that things generally are happy and peaceful) perhaps...when what i need is really emotional support esp in the current job. with all the stress from environment and people... and oso emotional connection...

the sharing of feelings and views about things in my life makes me truly happy. had been reading on the 5 languages of love...i tink i blogged about this before... i tink it's really true.. out of the 5 languages...all expresses love of cuz. and one wld feel happy wif any of the expressions... BUT there is 1 language that speaks directly to your heart and that is the one that will make you truly happy and truly loved... that is the primary language for you.

conversely if everything was done in all languages, except the language which u feel the most for...you still would be spent. with a empty love tank, you cannot love.

i read the book on the 5 languages... i tot i blogged about it but when I went back to my posts, I cldn't find any... so i guess i will juz say it now... when i was reading the real-life stories in the book... i cried... i guess if i had read this book earlier, perhaps things would not have come to this stage... it might have ended before i sign on the dotted line.. or things might have improved with higher awareness.. or i wld have stopped the mistake from happening... the more i read, the more sad..but gaining in awareness...is a good thing... it helps in interaction with everyone around me.

i condensed it to a short para...i cld hv said more i guess.. but now not really into that anymore.. i hv gained the knowledge.

anyway...after the recent toks i had, i still feel he doesn't understand how i feel and wat i went thru. which will be difficult. even after reading the book which i bought for him too... to connect emotionally with someone who has not connected emotionally before is mission impossible.. esp when the love tank is empty... on top of my own empty tank, i hv lost faith in him ever understanding how i feel... thus i am very sure i can't work this out...w/o him speaking my lang and me unable to speak his... will be having another tok with him soon...

back to my work...i have spent quite a long time writing.. :( sigh.. no ideas at all. perhaps shld pack up and ask someone for advice tml. haha...

recently got not much to say...haha..

wat else but love?

fall in love...not seek to be loved. - key of his speech..

but how often are people doing that now? even if someone claims to be doing that, i am skeptical if anyone can do it entirely...

i agree with the anti-love...abt looking for flaws...abt finding reasons not to like someone... but total acceptance seems so scary...

to fall in love the way that was described...seemed so scary..totally vulnerable and at the mercy of another being...human are fickle...and can exploit...when they r at a superior position...

thr is oso this part abt easier to be loved..cuz can be done by changing looks, personality etc... which i agree... i tink i tend to.. :S although there is abig part of me that doesn't change... i have to agree that there are parts which i do change...and sometimes i do not like the changes...thus the rs fails...cuz unhappiness sets in.

but the good things mentioned in the entry are also very true...that love does many splendid things as well...

it's the falling part that is hard... you have to build the trust to be able to fall...remember those things u do at team building/leadership programmes. it's entrusting ur life to another person... this is the hard part... in this world...we prefer to be in control...

then he oso talked about real love taking time to grow... i guess it does and won't be an overnight process... juz that sometimes some feelings dun take roots and fade away... those probably are not meant to be..

anyway i enjoyed his post very very much! was very thought-provoking pc of work...dun tink it will go away anytime soon..and i probably will be talking about it to people ard me.. haha...

last note..my fav quote from his entry...

"And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument."

Men - if you listen to him, life would be much btr u know?

this thing about life...

In the office but not clearing work yet... taking a short break.. will have to make sense of some mind-boggling things soon..

anyway i went to read the full entry fr mr wang says so's blog. What the contributor, Adrian Tan said, was very interesting.

You should visit the link to read it fully.

pt 1 - Don't work!

find something you like to do and make it work.. it's easier to say than to do. sad. most people lack the guts. me included. perhaps after this job, i will. i mean, i dun hate this job entirely, else i wld hv left. but work has become more and more strained...

i like the part that they say do wat u enjoy cuz u are probably good at it. it's true, isn't it? but wat am i gd at? haha...

pt 2 - aviod telling thr truth...

something i wld never be able to do. i am TOO honest... but i tink what he meant was that u shld be tactfully in how the truth is to be presented. That, i think i have been learning and hopefully practising well. What he says about it being the most difficult with people u r close to, cannot be MORE true!! i find it hard too...i can be honest but sometimes can't handle the truth when it is presented to me. haha...irony..

pt 3 - be hated.

well..something i can't handle too. dun like the feeling tt someone out thr hates me... not sure if anyone oredi does. i try to be nice. but firm. if someone hates me...i guess got to accept. i can be hated for doing the right thing..but not for being misunderstood... ya. tt's prob it. cuz someone told me he hate me recently. but i can't accept it. well..not up to me. life's like that. it's really whether you want to live ur life anot...and not just how others want u to live ur life....

pt 4 - love someone

this is the whole long para that i quoted below, 1 post away...by rite i shld hv the most to write abt this...therefore...i should hv an entire entry dedicated to it... haha...

from a little birdie..

now i know why someone has been in a good mood recently...and i thought the attitude has improved...

today there was a storm cuz apparently there was too much work... and a little bird in the tree told me that it has been helping the 'someone' with her work so she dun get stressed up... apparently the little birdie is also aware that the 'someone' copes poorly with stress...

she was complaining that there are so many things to do...and so much information... and she is handling 1 programme plus 1 course. *roll eyes*

it got so bad that she actually went to vent at the little bird who gave some wrong info... poor bird...although i agree the bird is sometimes blur...i think i never got to that point...hopefully it can appreciate what i do now....

and as the little bird was telling me...i was thinking...stressed? try my job...wonder how it would be like for her then.... beautiful...

A fragment of a blog

Something that a friend shared with me and I have been thinking about for a few days... taken off a blog - http://mrwangsaysso.blogspot.com/2008/08/life-and-how-to-survive-it.html

Fall In Love

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Very thought-provoking.. Will be thinking about it for a while more... i tink I will be blogging more about this.