Running on backup energy pack?

I realised that I have been surviving on 1 or 2 small meals a day recently..and I din feel particularly weak..

Mainly cuz i haven't had much appetite and din really feel like eating. Not really hungry oso...

In fact I am going through usual activities in my life, work and all..even going to the gym but still surviving..

Just that i also realise I been LS-ing...

Maybe sorrow is the best detox and slimming method..

A thought from last night

This morning before I slept..had a thought.. now I'm trying to recall..

something about women always at the losing end...

but now i can't remember...

i tink it's along this line...

If women work...both busy, can't really get emotional support..

If women dun work, husband still busy...still no emotional support...

but it's something all women need rite?

Quitter

I am a quitter...i never thought i am...but starting to realise i am

esp when it comes to rs..

Need help!

Need help to consolidate my archive blog into a yearly one for the old old ones...so the liste doesn't look THAT long... Anyone can help?

Zettai Kareshi 絶対彼氏 - Absolute Boyfriend

I have been following this jap drama which is showing in Japan..and just finished its run on Tuesday. Catch it on net, video streaming.

Thanks to Kelvin, I was hooked after 1 show!! The show has its fair share of shuai ge and mei nu, typical of jap dramas rite?

But it's not the pretty faces that captured my interest...Well..ok... in the beginning yes. However the plot eventually took over to really get me captivated... in fact i can't wait to watch the next episode every week...esp nearer the ending... ending abit sad...but it's nice so so watch it!

The story is really strange...it's about a company making a robot which gives perfect love to women. Besides looking very attractive, it has all the preferences and expectations of the woman stored in the system to govern its actions etc. In the beginning, the robot did not do very well to satisfy its owner...I think maybe need some getting used to... But eventually the pure love of the robot won the female lead's heart. There are quite a few twists in the show..so watch for them... you can watch it at tudou.com now that the whole series is up liao!! Spared the agony of waiting..

The show touched me deeply...the words probably...and I was crying with the female lead..actually i haven't cried like that for a drama for a long long time...maybe my current situation made me more vulnerable...

It's no doubt too idealistic...to have someone who knows perfectly your likes and dislikes and listens to you...it's not even possible in real life... nice to fantasize about but shld manage expectations...

The part I like best...are the very sweet things the robot did for the female lead... I think the key is...there isn't any perfect boyfriend... but a pure love that tries hard and harder even if you fail matters... and it's not about doing the rite things all the time...it's about having enuff happy times to make up for the bad times...it's about being there for the other person no matter whether she is sad, happy, angry, disappointed...it's about being there for her wherever and whenever...oh no...crying again...tink there is too much pented up emotions...

anyway...there isn't a perfect boyfriend....but the show does have gd learning points for guys out there...on what a girl might really want...It's not about being macho, looking good or having lotsa money... it's about the sincerity..the love..the willingness to stick around...

Thanks, Kelvin! I believe everything happens for a reason...thanks for recommending this show to me... =) Perhaps it's throwing light on my current situation...somehow with you around me, things do fall into place...it's the pig and goat thingy perhaps...

Maybe getting a robot is better than being single after all...?

Restart Life - Part II

I seem to have lost all the thoughts... =(

Now everything is all jumbled up. In a mess.... I was going to write for more clarity... Somehow writing things down make u see things more clearly..

I think I have been very silly for the past 3 years... the things done. decisions made. I really cannot find an explanation for whatever has happened...NOT that i regret everything... but the fact I did not make a certain decision not to do something bothers me a lot now...IF i did make that decision...my current situation would have been less complicated.

Was I too caught up with everything that was happening in my life at that time? People really change rite? Like all the time...

I'm losing the thoughts again...bad time to be blogging.. =(

Another thought is coming in on whether marriages are really what they are meant to be in current times...

Granted, there are marriages where both parties are happy, satisfied with each other. Things are well... I probably should find some stats on divorce rate, but i believe it's high nowadays.. How did it happen? And some are just trapped in unhappy marriages. Although I think I wouldn't be caught in that situation..

marriages...wat's the purpose of it? Sharing your life...someone said... but wat does that encompass? sharing everything? how about expectations? character and personality? maybe need someone more knowledgeable to enlighten me on this...

I'm getting sleepy! Keep yawning, probably why I can't concentrate on writing anymore. Will rest since I slpt SO little this morning. ard 3hrs! *faintz* and worked in the morning, went to 2 full-month celebrations after that. Thankfully that was all!!!

Tomorrow's programme... gym then followed by dinner and HOPEFULLY some time for work! :S Some deadlines to beat on Monday! Tonite's not a good time...

Length of time

Is 1 year a long enuff period of time to gauge if something will work out between 2 people?

Well..in my opinion, yes...

Someone told me to tok to a fren about my problems...to get a different perspective on wat's happening... somehow I can't find the energy to...I sort of feel there isn't a point...

1 year of 'silence' and u tink there is a point to work on the rs?

I know I know...I should have spoken up earlier... I dunno y I din. I guess it was cuz of all the preps. And I was busy. And I thought would work out. Or it wasn't permanent...

Privacy...

I dunno if I shld be writing so much on my blog but i really need an outlet...

Perhaps I need an outsider view and/advices that's y i'm posting here..

but no one seems to be reading my blog recently? or has no opinions? or juz can't be bothered with me? sob sob...

Restart my life?

I always think it's important not to have regrets in life. And in most decisions till now, even though I have made mistakes many many many times, I take them as lessons in life and learn from these experiences, sweet or bitter...

But recently I think I have been making so many mistakes that I really think I need another chance to go through probably the past 2 or 3 years again... MAYBE I will make better decisions this time...

Life really is difficult... isn't it? You only get 1 chance at most things you do...and for every decision made, you have to face the consequences, good and bad...

Wedding Vows in Singapore
Registrar's Address
Before you are joined in matrimony, it is my duty to remind you of the
solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make. Marriage
according to law is the union of one man and one woman, voluntarily entered into
for life, to the exclusion of all others.

Do I understand that you __________________ and you ________________ are
here of your own free will for the purpose of becoming man and wife?
Couple answer together: Yes

To Bridegroom
Will you, __________________ take this woman ______________ to be your
wedded wife, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love
her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking
all others, be faithful to her, so long as you both shall live?
Answer: I will

To Bride
Will you, _________________ take this man _________________ to be your
wedded husband, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love
him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking
all others, be faithful to him, so long as you both shall live?
Answer: I will

Registrar's Instructions
Take this ring and put it upon the third finger of his/her left hand and
repeat after me:

In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring
I marry you.

Registrar's Pronouncement
As both of you have given your consent before me to live together in
matrimony and have solemnly promised, each to the other to do so, I now
pronounce you two Man and Wife.

Every wedding I attend, I will still feel tears in my eyes when I hear the above. Every Single One! Even when I read them now, I also feel the tears welling...

Of cuz they are touching words. Shows the commitment of the 2 people and also signals the start of the life they are going to share.

But what I feel more is the weight of these words. As in fear i tink, about upholding whatever i am promising to the person standing beside me at that moment. Maybe I take promises too seriously. Or you can say I am afraid of commitments. Or maybe it can be something else that I am not sure of? Maybe I should go for a chat with someone professional.

In fact I cried at my own solemnisation ceremony. I wasn't sure if they were tears of..joy? fear?

I have never thought of it this way...I am afraid of the commitment involved? Someone offered this view to me recently. I am starting to think about it.

Commitment is a very big word. To start of, I think I did not see a good example at home for me to model my life after. Of cuz this is not a good excuse for the bad decisions. I tend to think that people learn from their environments a lot and especially from family since they are the only people you are in contact with from birth...

I'm in office now, but have to rush off. Resume later today...Really have a lot of thoughts on this issue...hopefully they will still be in my mind later on... 7pm...

Now I'm back home, 11pm...shall attempt to get back to the issue...

Is it really possible to give all those promises stated in the vows? There are quite a few...anyone can summarise that into something simpler? I guess marriage juz isn't simple...

Foolish Act..

I feel like a fool sometimes, to work like hell when many people are taking it easy...

It's my 'ming'? Or what?

Should blame my mum... give birth to such a responsible person... :S

Anyway, I dun tink I do things very well...can still find loose ends everywhere... i guess another fault of my mum - i'm such a perfectionist! =(

Why? Why? Why? My mother...can tell me?

Sky is clearing...?

Today I think I felt better...somehow...maybe the sky is clearing..?

Maybe cuz i'm clearing work which is bothering me... so i guess it's taking the stress off abit...

I feel it's a compliment when people you work with say " If I leave, I hope to have a chance to work with you again." isn't it?

I mean...it must mean I have done something right? Otherwise I think, for me la, I would be saying "STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!" heee.... rite?

So I definitely did something right!

Anyway I'm also thinking the same about one of my colleagues... she just 'turned' 1 year old at office! hee..

Initially, I was just glad, in fact delighted, that someone is taking over my role to serve the madam! After a few encounters, didn't think very much of her... Was even abit disappointed at some stuff she did...

BUT i think she grew on me! And as I spent more time talking to her and encouraging her...she improved alot...and I am now very impressed with her! She probably had the potential and I'm glad I din give up on her and instead kept on toking to her and counselling her! She is helping me a lot in my work now and if she's not around, tink I'm definitely oredi lying flat on the ground! AND of cuz she was lucky to have someone like me to guide her along..albeit quite fierce at times! hahaha...

Nowadays I tok to her about things happening in office too...and ask for her opinion cuz i value them and I think she given me insights into things and oso a different perspective...I found a very good co-worker in her! I'm sure she would agree that she has grown over the year she was with us and that she has learnt a lot! Whether she liked the experience or not...

Hope she'll continue working with me and oso that if i leave, I hope to have the chance to work wif her again... Now that's a compliment for her..from her VERY FIERCE da jie at work! hee

OKAY..Back to myself... I think I'm getting back my optimism which is very good news cuz I need that for solving my problems! The very root of my unhappiness!

cuz when u pessimistic, everything looks grim and it's like the end of the world... when u r optimistic..at least the world seems brighter...perhaps that'll throw some light onto the problems? =)

I probably have up till weekend to tink abt things... this week's very crazy busy at work too...might not even have time.. life's like that....

truth is...I think I am quite enjoying my time at home...with no one to worry about...whether he's happy or unhappy...or bored, not bored...or hungry, not hungry...etc... just need to take care of I, me and myself for a change... really tinking that being single is so much easier... sigh..

Wat's going on?

I tink I need a break. from everything.

need new perspective.

almost cried in office just now...tink the stress is getting to me..

it's tough when u hv problems at hm...but the demands from work doesn't decrease and in fact maybe even increase..

and blame it on myself...i hvn't been working v hard and thr r backlogs...

a break would mean more work have piled up during my absence...

is there a way i cld manage this?

crying would definitely help...cuz it would relieve some of those stress...but NOT in office...

it would be seen as being weak...

i tink it's been a very tough year for me so far... what's going on?

Unbelievable...

Someone just told me that she doesn't know a very basic thing about the school...

diff programmes have diff codes rite? I din tink it was very difficult...
and for every batch of students, u label them according to intakes...
I really din tink it was that difficult to understand... plus the information is readily available...

Moreover, there are 2 people nearby who can be approached...

Totally unbelievable...

To collate a lot of information into a good database, you really have to find out and decide what are the necessary info, how to classify them, and it really was a good position to come into, so you can start understanding the school IF you are interested in finding out...

I am finding that as time passes, I am being proved more right than wrong... disheartening on a 1st day of work, back from a week's leave...but under the weather...

My first post in a long time and it has to be about bad things...abt work... :S

It seems I am falling sick more often this year... low motivation? health deteriorating? Or wat?
=(

going back early to rest, stomach's queasy...feel drowsy (effect from med)...and feel like i hv been floating along whole day...

Somebody, help me?

Maybe it's a lack of exercise... maybe i shld go for a slow walk later...get some fresh air...