re-reading the 1st quote fr 'runaway bride' and wondering...

the bride cld hv gotten married with the groom knowing her but her not knowing herself rite? She cld discover along the way, during the marriage... wat matters is the awareness tt she doesn't know herself...

they cld hv saved the time spent away from each other.... then again...after they got married, she might discover herself but not want to marry this man OR she might get lazy and not discover... so...i guess putting everything straight before the marriage is still the best idea so far...

Marriage is such a heavy commitment...

did i share about this yet? I found this website where i tink couples shld go to before committing themselves in marriage... it's a gd start to really get to know each other thoroughly for a serius business like marriage...
http://marriage.about.com/od/proposingbeingengaged/Before_You_Get_Married.htm

Another interesting read for newlyweds - http://marriage.about.com/cs/newlyweds/a/settingstage.htm

many interesting reads here at about.com, should drop by to read, for interest or otherwise... =)

just realised something...

happy things...good things...usually happen when u do not expect them to...

perhaps ppl can be truly happy and contented when they stop expecting things from others....

Runaway Bride

i'm still awake at this time cuz i just finished a self evaluation of my performance this year... i think it was pretty easy in a way cuz my previous boss defined it very well for me..

i always tot he was a good mentor..it's a pity he has to leave.... not a tragedy as he is happy where he is now...and that sometimes matter more than what I need! It's about seeing people you care for getting their deserved happiness and satisfaction! ;)

A good mentor is hard to find...sometimes it's fate. our paths might cross again in future...will never know. I really still have lots to learn....and according to an article i read recently...the fact tt someone feels he/she needs a mentor shows willingness to learn which is a very gd attitude! Good for me!! =)

Anyway...this entry is about this show...runaway bride..an old show, from 1999.

recently re-watched the show..still feel touched. It's a really nice show...

In a way, i feel the same as the female lead...tt i do not really know myself totally..and will adapt to or change myself...and make the other person feel i am the right one for him. That's why she kept running away...cuz the person she was marrying din know her as herself...think she ran away 4 times...when finally she found someone (male lead) who knew her as herself....but she still ran at their wedding... this time, she realised that she didn't know the real her. She din even know what kind of eggs she liked...and her preference for eggs always depended on who she was with at the time. She took some time to figure out who she really was and went back to the male lead to ask him to marry her! Perfect ending of cuz, since it's hollywood! =)

So here are the quotes from the movie... 2 that I really like...

*****************
Maggie Carpenter: I wanted to tell you why I run - sometimes ride - away from things.
Ike Graham: Does it matter?
Maggie Carpenter: I think so.
[takes a deep breath]
Maggie Carpenter: When I was walking down the aisle, I was walking toward somebody who didn't have any idea who I really was. And it was only half the other person's fault, because I had done everything to convince him that I was exactly what he wanted. So it was good that I didn't go through with it because it would have been a lie. But you - you knew the real me.
Ike Graham: Yes, I did.
Maggie Carpenter: I didn't. And you being the one at the end of the aisle didn't just fix that.

****************
Maggie Carpenter: I love you, Homer Eisenhower Graham. Will you marry me?
Ike Graham: I... I've got to think about this a little bit.
Maggie Carpenter: Good. I was hoping you'd say that.
Ike Graham: [laughing] You were not!
Maggie Carpenter: I was, because if you said "yes" right away, then I wouldn't get to say this next part, and I've been practicing.
[Maggie sits down, clears her throat]
Maggie Carpenter: Ready?
Ike Graham: I'm listening.
Maggie Carpenter: I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is going to want to get out. But I also guarantee...
[starts to cry]
Maggie Carpenter: ...that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart... you're the only one for me.
*****************

I think i am just a sucker for romance...and really want to believe in such love...? It's real ya?

That there will definitely be tough times. and in the current times, everything volatile, at 1 pt or another, 1 or both parties might want to get out - Divorce etc...

the last part is the part tt always bring tears to my eyes....regreting not asking someone to be urs just cuz u r afraid of losing the person in future juz doesn't make sense.... u hv to learn to fight for things tt u really wan. hard as it seems...when u know wat u want and u fight for wat u wan... law of attraction applies and viola, uget wat u wan...

was tinking...office conflicts are still so much easier to solve/resolve than interpersonal private conflicts...rite?

too much emotions involved when it's personal...

Collaborate for Best Results!

I just read on what was the best resolution for conflicts - Collaborate.

Compromise is lose-lose situation where u lose some and ur counterpart lose some.

When you collaborate, you find common ground and work from there, so both get what they want. usually in business settings, the common ground is the company's interest.

In a relationship, the common ground has to be love right? Shall read again on the conflict management course and share more. =)

Difference between need and want

Definitions from http://dictionary.reference.com/

Need
–noun
1. a requirement, necessary duty, or obligation: There is no need for you to go there.
2. a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary: to fulfill the needs of the assignment.
3. urgent want, as of something requisite: He has no need of your charity.
4. necessity arising from the circumstances of a situation or case: There is no need to worry.
5. a situation or time of difficulty; exigency: to help a friend in need; to be a friend in need.
6. a condition marked by the lack of something requisite: the need for leadership.
7. destitution; extreme poverty: The family's need is acute.

Want
–noun
11. something wanted or needed; necessity: My wants are few.
12. something desired, demanded, or required: a person of childish, capricious wants.
13. absence or deficiency of something desirable or requisite; lack: plants dying for want of rain.
14. the state of being without something desired or needed; need: to be in want of an assistant.
15. the state of being without the necessaries of life; destitution; poverty: a country where want is virtually unknown.
16. a sense of lack or need of something: to feel a vague want.

Is there a difference?

love is about losing the control...?

just had a tot...

love is about losing control... as in...letting the person have the choice of whether he/she wants to love you back...letting the person choose if he/she wants to do nice things to you or treausre you...

love is not about getting someone whom u r sure will not leave u...so that u can take the person for granted...

perhaps that's why 2 ppl who are in a loving relationship will continue to make effort for the relationship to work and oso be nice and kind to each other...because everyone has the free choice to love or leave...?

had a discussion wif Ken -
love is quite a scary thing...where u r afriad of losing the person, tt the person will not love you back or do nice things back to you when you are nice and loving... nevertheless you gave without expecting anything in return...

sounds strange?

according to my weather thingy at the right side...

82 degrees F = 28 degrees C... interesting rite? haha... =þ

quite bo liao....

mood been up and down recently...i attribute it to impending auntie visit...hope it will land soon so my mood will stabilise again...

that day i re-read the mars and venus book... abt the men r like rubber band and women r like wave theories...

it's mentioned that the emotions of women rises and falls like a wave...and the cycle averages out to be abt 28 days...which coincidentally is the length of the auntie cycle..haha..anyway i tink i prob din read it very carefully the last time cuz i can't rem the concepts... this time i guess it sticks more cuz it made more sense....

it's said tt if a woman felt negative feelings at any point of its wave when it is going up, it might not be expressed immediately...thus this is the time tt the woman feels gd and happy... only when the wave passes its crest...on the way down, will the woman feel all the negative emotions... becuz the book i was reading is abt how men and women interact...it is said that this is the time tt the woman will become emotional, and prone to want to talk. Since they are feeling negative, also prone to emotional outburst...(sometimes such negative emotions can be pented up ones from the past - like since childhood, growing up years, past rs. etc.). and if her man is able to support her effectively at this time...she still might feel upset...in fact she might feel even MORE upset....but that is so that she will reach the bottom sooner...once something reached the absolute bottom...the only way is up!

However, the scary thing facing men is that this emotional torment occurs over and over again. and the same issues will keep coming up... i know it sounds like a recurring nightmare...i wld tink so too... somehow emotions are juz erratic! so men go through this nightmare over and over again...reassuring their women over and over again...every month... giving them Tender Loving Care...if this is done..... the good news is...when the women finally feels securely and firmly assured in the love...the extent of the negative feelings decreases OR the journey down reaches its pit faster... that is eventually through hard work...men can be released from their 'pain'

i guess that is when love prevails...? Where giving of yourself selflessly pay off handsomely?

If you are a man and tinking women get the easy way out....i'm afriad not. man has his tendency to be like a rubber band...where after a period of loving, needs to have some time-out to take care of himself, do his own thing...men tend to act like a rubber band, i.e. when it is fully stretched (had his time and took care of himself, feeling energetic), it tends to bounce back with a great force, this is when a man is most capable of loving his woman! When it returns to a position where there is no tension...the man feels a lack of energy...had too much intimacy and losing himself....this is when he needs to pull away again and take care of himself...

this cycle of pulling away and bouncing back strikes fear in most women..esp those who had traumatic rs where they felt abandoned or neglected...or neglected by their parents when younger... she starts to feel insecure...y did the man change, did he stop loving her? did she do something wrong?

i believe awareness helps alot - when u know wat is happening, u dun feel the fear....instead u can be assured the love is still there and it's natural tendency for men and women to do their thing...their natural cycles..

i was toking to ukey and i tink i sprouted much nonsense which turn out to be a lot of truth..hahaha... =þ

sometimes people confuse trust and love with differences in opinion, ways of dealing wif issues, etc.

trust - for eg is not abt giving absolute freedom. preferring to be lazy and avoid confrontation. then saying it's cuz u trust ur partner. it's probably true tt u wld like to trust ur partner to do the right thing and wat if it happens tt he/she did not? wat will u do? continue to say u trust her to do the rite thing? how long can this 'trust' last?

anyway...i was juz discussing wif him..tt sometimes even if ur love is firm and ur trust is absolutely wif this person, u can still disagree wif the way something was handled - like a costly irrational purchase or an argument whr tempers were lost. it's actually wif this love tt the hurts can be mended...and the issues can be sorted out, whether compromise or agree to disagree.

i remember being told tt compromise is still not the best situation possible...let me check tml wat is the win-win situation... compromise is still a lose-lose situation... something i learnt in a conflict mgmt workshop...

Giving thanks!

I am a lucky girl! =) even a stranger is nice enough to write encouraging words for me!

I have been reading alot and learning alot. Been feeling more positive.

Have had a very good chat wif him last weekend. I think it was good for him too. It was good because it was constructive. Not because it was helping to mend the relationship. I still tink it's beyond repair.

It seemed he is beginning to understand wat is going on...and wat has been wrong...which is a very good and encouraging development...this is what i have been hoping for. even tho the rs doesn't work out, at least we dun leave wif a scar, we leave wif increased understanding tt benefits our lives in future... SO idealistic...even at this age...will i ever not be this way? haha...

ok...we had a long long talk, like 3 hours at least... during the time, i was oso discovering new things and having tots...

1 of them...not the only one of cuz... juz tt i was tinking...this is 1 signficant one... -
this whole discussion was preceded by a series of events... me gg for smtg he has been asking me to. he perceived this as very giving of me (altho my only intention was tt this is the appropriate action to take at tt time, no intention of giving or making him tink i am giving.) and thus shared wif me some tots he had recently and how he really appreciated the thing i did...which i responded positively and oso suggested that it has been stresseful for both, so tot maybe gg out for some activities would put us in a happier mood to tok. which did some wonders. i realised something thru this... and told him... tt he doesn't put himself out to love someone, instead he wld sit back and wait for someone to reach out a hand before he wld contribute... something for his tots...

anyway...it's late.. shld slp...still got to work tml...

anyway assured him tt deadline is still yr end...and my mind is made up...and i still think i am doing the rite thing of not saying i quit and that's it.

i shld start healing myself of my past experiences...altho fr a book i read..it's natural tt women need support in a wave cycle...and tt if men can effectively support women during those times, offering care and concern and listening attentively...it does wonders for the women..altho NOT gg to permanently heal the women..the negative emotions will keep coming up till the women is finally assured...these negative emotions can be fr childhood, parents, past relationships...etc..