A friend disappoints me with her lack of will power once again...
I shouldn't even be surprised...it's not even the first time that she has shown such weakness... She has gone back to her boyfriend. A series of apologies and 'I miss you's through SMS was enough to make her forgive him and go back...
Every time they argued, she would come crying to her ever-supportive friends. Every time she would complain about the unreasonable ways of the boyfriend. About how he is always suspicious of her relationships with imaginary guys. About how he turns violent after a couple of drinks sometimes. I am already very amazed by how she can tolerate his constant probing about her whereabouts even though she has told him that she will be out with girl friends and the venue of the gathering. He would still call every 1 or 2 hours to talk to her. *And i suspect, to listen for traces of male voices in the background* And how she can endure the constant arguments between them on pointless issues about imaginary guys.
This time, and it's not the first time, he accused her of having affair with imaginary guys again and insults her that she's a slut, that she's cheap... She was mad definitely! She was hurt deeper this time...and we thought she would be determined enough to give the relationshop up. One of my girl friends helped her move out of the bf's flat. We took turns to accompany her, so that she wouldn't have too much time on her hands to think too much.
While i was with her, I could see that she was very sad. very miserable. I wished I could do more. Other than dishing out advices about how to get over the relationship, how to occupy her own time, doing things that she enjoy. And how I believe she made the right choice and that she was too good for the boyfriend. And how I have seen her change for the better. I cried with her cuz I feel her misery. She was naturally still upset and even though she said she know I had good intentions and she knows all those things I have said. She find them difficult to execute. It was too painful to do all those things.
If only life can be less painful? I dun advocate the view that life IS pain. But I wouldn't agree that life is easy. Life is about change and change is difficult. Changes are painful only if you resist them. If you insist that life has to remain the same and that people remains the same, you will only suffer pain.
Much as I want to support my friend through her journey of recovering from the loss of the *hopeless* relationshop...she's the one who chose the easy way out. I did remind her that she has a part in his abuse of her. She was the one who chose to return in spite of verbal, emotional and even physical abuse. In other words, she was the one who allowed him to do all those things to her. I believe that people can do awful things to you only when you allow them to. Even though he was the one who abused her, she gave the 'permission' when she returned after the very first time the abuses started.
You would think that I have no business meddling in other people's relationship. But she's my friend. And I can't say I had all the same feelings as her. But I had my own share of traumatic break ups. I had my share of abuses. my share of patching-up-and-breaking-up cycles. But it ends the same way all the time. A relationship that already has underlying problems will never change, unless the parties involved make conscious effort to change themselves. Otherwise, it's just a never-ending cycle of arguments, break-ups, apologies and patching up. Of cuz, until one day, one of the party decides to get out. But I'm afriad that the ending might go the other extreme and end up with her suffering in the endless cycle all her life.
And i believe people have to want to help themselves before others can do anything. If she gives up on herself, no one else can help her? Not loved ones whose hearts cry with her. Not supportive friends who come to her rescue anytime she needs support.
When she wants to stand up and walk away from the relationship, I think there will be no lack of assistance. But that's provided she has the strength to want to overcome the pain of it all.
Life is, no doubt, waiting...and i long to see the day that she can walk away from the hopeless relationship and find real happiness in a stable loving relationship based on trust.
