a better day..

today was a better day...

hope things will only become better and better...

still sick...will slp soon...

still need to take a break..maybe early next week!

Feeling very demoralised at work.

No one to give guidance.

No support for some tasks.

Loaded with tasks that are beyond me.

And super loaded with many tasks that required tinking and planning...

how many hours does 1 have in a day?

I am sick...and have popped pills through the day but still working in the office at this hour....

is this worth my life?

Slacking at work...

i had been slacking at work... and feeling v stressed when i am off work.. :S dunno how...

no one to push me...even thought the work is becoming more urgent now...

tinking of gg back to office today...but then raining.. :S jia lat...

those who know me, knows i dun usually go out when it rains... cuz i dun like getting my feet wet...

but i just might...cuz i REALLY wanna get work done...

can someone up there help me get some motivation please?

When the leaves have fallen...

I dunno why I tot the title was appropriate...

I am going to write about why people normally realise and understand things only when it's too late. when things have gone too far and beyond salvage.

maybe i tink of such a situation as similar to autumn...like there's a hint of regret during that season...like the leaves will fall from the trees and the trees can't do anything about it...

just read an article about the value of marriage...from a blog..

honestly..i think there still are people with such views... that once married, have to keep it going... i believe there are... BUT i believe that these people either
1) know what they are doing and really want to try with their eyes and heart open and know (TRUTHFULLY) that things can be worked out...love and concern has been there all the time before the difficult period and they REALLY try their best ....bestest even, if there is such a word, to overcome the difficulties... OR
2) dunno what they are doing but just believe blindly that marriage is sacred, no matter whether they have been nuturing it, caring about it, working hard for it for the whole duration of the relationship/marriage...and then they might not really try their best too, since they dun even understand what they are doing, maybe dunno why they are doing it...THEY JUST THINK MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE... yes...but a life without love and care is not worth living...

If it's 1, by all means, try! and Try! and TRY harder! There is something worth working for there. There is love.
If it's 2, then maybe it's just time to let go...when u hvn't done anything to fill the love tank, and it's empty, it will not fill again....it is just drained and empty...

no matter how much love there used to be...one day it would still empty out... if there isn't anything to keep refilling the supply...

once something is gone...there is no way it will come back...

it's like you have a plant, a normal healthy plant...but if u dun water it regularly or dun water it at all, it might be able to survive for a while...but eventually it will die due to lack of care...

there is a plant in my house too...left by someone who doesn't care... it's now dead...

I have 2 flowering plants in office... i had 3 actually...1 died...the other 2 surviving ones, i have been taking care of them... fr failure, i see tt i had not been doing something right...and i adjust....one of them is having lotsa flowers now...

i guess that is the difference between someone who knows how to care and someone who doesn't...

and in failure, i learn... just that somethings when dead...will not revive...like my dead plant...

I got angry...

I got angry when I was reading a person's entry...

smtg abt needing support and not deserving to say he knows everyone needs support...

he is damn rite...

Busy week ahead..

This week looks like it's going to burst at the seams... =(

meetings, meetings and more meetings...

many activities till the end of the month...

according to lillian too...this month is good for me..but next month is the WORSE month of the year for me... i'm really quite worried... cuz these few months hasn't been that great for me.. since maybe may...

this month was busy but at least i'm feeling less turbulent emotionally.. *i know it doesn't sound that way...but it is...*

i pray hard for a smooth month next month please...

女人还是可怜的动物

the moment is over... i am feeling better again... sigh...

tt's y i say... 女人是可怜的动物...

source of strength...

who is good? who is bad?

what is right? what is wrong?

who determines all these anyway?

the office is empty...and i cldn't control my emotions for a moment...and the tears flowed...for a brief moment...

i feel like a zombie...lifeless... controlling my emotions, unable to let go...

i can be happy...i can be sad... but who's looking inside...? many things can happen on the surface...but wat's really inside....?

maybe it's work making me crack...maybe it's a lack of emotional support... this job is so tough that i had needed so much support rite fr the beginning....

the source was transferred ard... recently i had not managed to find 1...perhaps tt's y i am so so weak recently...

i believe i hv strength within... but i need someone to support me emotionally...

if i did not hv strength...i wldn't hv been able to survive till now...but i was always able to find some kind of support...

this time...the people i can trust r either unable to give me support at this pt, or i am not giving them a chance to give me support.... and i am oso not willing to find juz any other source again...

can't i be strong enuff for once to be able to support myself through this?

r all human beings so weak?

Moment of Weakness

i am having a moment of weakness...

i'm now sitting in my office... and juz feel like crying... i dunno wat it's for...

then i had a thought..tt i actually sacrificed my life for the company i work for..

my life - a mth or 2 ago, i discovered I was not having enuff time for my family...missing out on time spent juz toking to my mum or playing wif my nieces and nephews...

my rs - i was too focused on work. too much time spent on work. all my effort was put into work. work was the centre of my life.

y do the tears only go back inside...and not come out....?

y is it that i need to pretend to be so strong? or rather...juz to be so strong?

i need someone to be wif me now... but i can't find that someone... or rather i wan the someone to be able to understand me...

moment of weakness indeed...

i had asked for the loan of a shoulder earlier...but i really dun wan to give the wrong idea or false hopes or be using the person for comfort...

i hv to recover on my own... this is how things will be for me for a while...

weak but hv to depend on myself... till i figure out...

Old? Or Young?

I was thinking a few days ago that I am quite old...when i saw some lines under my eyes....got a little worried! quite scary...i mean i been quite diligent in applying eye cream since quite many years ago... eyes show age the soonest!! so need to take care...

anyway..these few days...i am thinking...maybe i am not that old yet la....maybe it helps to have good genes... most people say i look younger than my real age... like at least 4 yrs younger... which isn't THAT much but btr than nothing...hahha...

ok..anyway..juz wanted to write tt i am still v young.... ;þ always 21 yrs old!

More help? Less help?

I am almost bursting into tears...

y is it that the more people i get, the less help it seems to be?

Y is it that I always seem to work so much harder than everyone else here? And when like no one else cares...ok.except probably 1 more girl whom i feel cares as much for the work here.

Can I just quit and leave everything here as it is?

Can I be less responsible and just dun care so much abt work...

cuz if that is the case, i wld be on my 1 week break last week... and wldn't be coming back almost every saturday for work...

it's ridiculous.. really... but i can't do anything abt it..

i really need a break cuz i am cracking up...

BUT the launch of new programme, i can't leave it oso... when the person who really should be in charge is going off for a few days...

i juz blame myself...tt's all.. TOO responsible for everything...EVERYTHING...

it's ok.. i'm leaving next year... finish off my business for this year and i will be on my way...

enuff's enuff rite?

i am just a human being too...

Secret Bearer!

a strange thing happened just now...

2 different people began telling me things tt they never told other people abt...all in the same night...

another thing is...i wasn't really very very close to them to begin wif...

maybe tonite i send the vibes tt i keep secrets well... Call me Auntie "Agony" Jen

anyway glad to listen to them and share their unhappiness.. both said they felt btr after sharing which is a gd thing... i can only listen and give suggestions...like wat my frens do for me...(i am glad to give the gift of listening ear to my frens too)

the price of being a nice sympathetic fren... panda eyes tml.... but it's worth it..

gd Nite..

Quite miserable...

I dunno why but i feel miserable today....

not tt i was so unhappy entertaining family la...

now i'm all alone at home...seldom the case as my family is big... this wkend, my parents went off for a short wkend getaway wif the RC... tt's y i am all alone at home..

had tot of going out after the MJ...but decided against...
1) cuz wld be dangerous getting hm v late since i wld be coming into empty hse.
2) was tired after all the MJ
3) was lazy....
4) dun feel like dolling up...
5) not in mood to entertain anymore...

but being all alone at hm isn't v fun too...plus cuz i not feeling in best condition now....

feel like toking to someone... but not necessarily him... cuz he was here for theMJ too, needed kakis...and my bro asked him to come... but i din feel like toking to him today...

yty was ok..but i dunno y juz not today...

to the sender of the flowers - and btw, the flowers really isn't necessary... i mean they are nice and all and i appreciate the tots... but u know my take abt flowers... not v practical... and i wldn't do much wif it except leave it at a corner till it dies... sigh...u know wat i mean rite?

mood's juz strange today...and i tink starting fr yty...or maybe this morning... my mind was somewhere else...

and my tots went back to...i'm not sure if i wld be happy like tt for the rest of my life...

ame told me not to tink so much and so far for now...when i told her over msn just now... cuz we really need the communication since haven't 'toked' for a long long time... but is tt the only problem??? i dunno...sigh..

i wish all these wld juz end and let me be alone...

MJ day

i know it's national day today...but was oso MJ day...cuz my bro needed kakis... i really hv bad luck this year for MJ...and maybe other forms of gambling...hvn't won at MJ at all this year... MUST stop playing...

played for so long today... hvn't done tt for a long time...more entertaining family than enjoying myself.... i tink i might hv been happier juz reading some magazine or book in my room...

And mind was somewhere else when playing MJ...

had wanted to go Kino to get some books cuz got 20% discount promo then catch the fireworks but din manage to cuz of the MJ...

need to give myself my 'me' time tml.... gym day...

Happier Day

Today was a happier day...

tink it's cuz i finally finished some work which has been bothering me... and things seemed to be moving along too...

and tml's...or rather...today's friday... TGIF!! =)

And sat's national day...patriotic day...i always quite like national day...i love my country...and FIREWORKS!

interesting...

i juz finished a book...Blink..

it's abt the first impression, how the unconscious mind actually helps you by working behind the scenes...and the book also bring awareness to how this can be distorted by the influences of ur life experiences and media/cultural/social conditionings.

anyway..the part i am touching on is not abt the 'blinking'...it's smtg else tt caught my attn.. it's a research by Dr Gottman...abt how he cld see if a couple can make it to old age...or divorce within the next 5 years juz by watching them have a conversation...abd he is really gd at this, he cld be listening to a conversation of a random couple at a restaurant for 10-20 secs and tell if they will make it.. quite amazing rite... comes wif lotsa practice and studies of cuz...

but the real reason y i am writing now...is about this article on his website...abt how to keep a rs going... and i tink it's v v true...and 1 pt caught my eye...
- the pt abt accepting influence: "A husband's ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because research shows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well."

i tink this is really true...women are well-conditioned to accept influences...but a gd rs can only happen if the man is willing as well...

anyway this article offers v v v v v good advice, in my opinion...so take a look if u r interested to make ur rs better... i'm sure we can trust this guy...he's really a rs guru...by research...

btw, wonder if the movie 'love guru' wld be gd...looked funny in the thrillers.. might watch on friday....need a light-hearted movie...been too serious....

gd nite...it's getting late AGAIN...

Re-doing the 5 languages of love Quiz

I tink people change wif experiences and also are influenced by wat they need in their life at the moment...

i re-did the quiz i attempted v long ago...hmm..i guess the languages which i speak r still the same, just tt i noticed the need for them has become stronger... probably a sign that i wasn't getting enough of them?

**********
Score Love Language
2 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
4 Receiving of Gifts
7 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch


How to interpret your Profile Score:
Your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language. If two scores are identical, you are bilingual (you have two primary love languages). If the scores of your primary and your secondary language are close (for example, 10 & 9 respectfully), it indicates both are important to you. Whatever a significant other does to express love in either of these languages will get emotional points with you.The highest possible score for any language is 12.

Having a clear picture of your primary & secondary love languages will explain much of your past behavior Think back over the past and ask yourself "What have I most often requested from significant others?" Chances are your answer will lie within the scope of your primary & secondary love languages. You have been requesting that which would meet your deepest need for emotional love.
************

Click below to learn more...
1) http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html
2) http://www.sharedpaths.com/personal-growth-tools/5lovelanguages.html - is where u realise this love is not limited to romantic love..it can apply to friendship love, family love etc...

Life would be perfect if everyone knows each other's love language... And everyone would feel appreciated and loved... the world would definitely be a better place to live in...

女人是可怜的动物...

i dun tink i am the only one... women can be quite needy sometimes...esp when it comes to emotional support...and esp when they r stressed...

sometimes they wld juz compromise their own standards and settle for a person whom they do not love totally, for the security of having someone there at all times...

sometimes they wld sacrifice themselves...subject themselves to verbal, physical, emotional abuse, juz for someone to stay by their side...

at other times...they wld juz shut 1 eye to the doings of their men outside of the home, again...juz so that they physically hv someone by their side... (although this technically wldn't result in emotional support)

y does women need so much attention? so much love? so much emotional support?

so won't u agree that women r juz so 可怜?

Late Nite

I am going to sleep now...just finished the work I have been sitting on.

Hope I dun mess up my new programme...

I really feel too many matters demand my attention but there is only 1 of me and only 1 brain available... how ar?

Plus...the brain not enough RAM anymore, needs upgrade plus alot of spyware and unauthorised applications running in the backgrd while at work... :S maybe need a virus scan, spyware scan etc very soon. IF ONLY there really is such a programme...

Eyes shutting....good nite...

Funny voice..

Hate my voice over the voice recorder! haha...am doing some minutes and i was in the meeting and also toked... everytime i get to the pt where i tok, i feel v strange...haha..can't stand the voice ....

just felt like writing it down...since no one to share the thoughts...

annother thing..i just found out that Vandalin is attached!!!! finallly..tink he haven't been for a while...and i must gossip about this la... the girlfren is how young leh...19...when he is 30! 11 yrs difference... haha... edmund, pian xiao mei mei ar? or xiao mei mei pian ni? =þ u better dun bring her astray hor...

More confusions...

I need a man who I will listen to...

someone who gives me a view when i am in a dilemma...

University of hard knocks...

Some people just choose to live life the hard way rite...

reason - to fully experience life...

but who says life has to be hard? it's the people making it hard rite?

someone believes life is sweet...i guess it is...if u coat it wif plenty of sugar..haha...

to me..life's full of ups and downs...and u got to hv different taste so you'll still appreciate the sweetness of it...

i'm definitely damn complicated girl...anyone looking for trouble, shld look for me...

other than that...i really am a nice girl...really...

confused girl...

haha...my entries show a very confused girl rite?

i guess i am....or was...

writing really gives me clarity...

yty went to see this palmist, r they called palmist? haha...anyway someone who read palms la... he say i too frank...

maybe i shld keep my blogs pte fr now on... writing all my tots here also shows i am frank rite...

this is totally open blog...

is it dangerous for others to know so much of my tots... or does it actually kill them first? Cuz i write such confusing tots.... haha...

strange girl...

i am...cuz i am in office now, trying to finish up 2 pcs of work which i have been sitting on....still warm now... hv to finish before turns cold..haha...

wondering wat shld my next course of action be...to trust my intuition or to base on logic... the master oso say i am too logical...and based many things on logic... shld trust my tuition more... how to train that ar? buy more 4D? haha...

nic agrees tt i more logical...as in i like to question and reason till i find out the cause so that i can understand the problem then proceed to solve it... i guess tt's wat we r taught in skool rite? haha... life juz isn't like tt...some things juz hv to be accepted and some things juz hv to be forgotten...maybe?

he oso say i dunno how to judge ppl... super die...no wonder i always get cheated... :S someone trustworthy, guide me along can?

Retreat Mood...

i am SO gg to die...no mood for work and it's piling up...

hopes of gg away fades so got to slog on...i am sure i need a break. maybe after 15 aug. and maybe not 1 wk but 2 or 3 days...

nothing much else to write...

except someone's still not convincing enuff...

a fren told me tt giving such short tests aren't gg to help the rs...i'm not really giving tests.... but i wonder...if a person has more time to prep for smtg and yet can screw up..how to ensure tt the person can do it when u spend more time wif him? might even vomit blood...and then lungs, liver, kidney...etc...

then suggested giving 2 or 3 mths of seeing more of each other on a daily basis..i dun tink so.. need the motivation first...now nothing...

see how ba... someone doesn't seem particularly bothered or keen to do anything anyway... when i get fed up again. i will juz do wat i shld hv done like a mth ago.

periods of 'silence' really doesn't do me any gd AT ALL. i realise. doesn't let me cool down...it juz serves to sweep things under carpet. and i juz suppress the issue.

Previous post...

the previous post was the 369 entry for this blog...is tt y abit sway?