Hurdles in Life

i am in the office...now...working on something... I know I just sit on things when they are not due yet... haha.. actually i only do that to things i hate to do... most people do that rite?

Anyway what I am doing now is the budget... the format is changed again this year...for the 2-3 years i am here...nothing has not changed from year to year... haha...

this year, the system is sophisticated! looks very nice..but i have little idea how to populate it! haha... anyway trying to make sense out of it now... wish can print out cuz easier to see the FULL picture now i can only scroll around it on my screen, which isn't exactly a 42" monitor... :(

this is 1st hurdle...

several other hurdles for me now... some human relations problem...

- someone experienced resisting my efforts to do my job well...i.e. to suggest changes which either benefits the process or make things clearer for others to understand... there has always been much resistance from this person...esp now that I dun have a boss. The boss would be able to control things around here... =( I juz wish I won't be forced to go higher up...which is never my intention.

hmm..personal stuff... still trying to let someone understand wat the real problem is and how it happened. where the incompatibility is...and why it wld not work out... the more i think of it and the more we toked about it...the more i realised that the level of understanding of me and maybe oso of him is so low...

wonder why i never realised it..how i was so blind to all those things... i guess i was more focused on other things (like getting my own home or that things generally are happy and peaceful) perhaps...when what i need is really emotional support esp in the current job. with all the stress from environment and people... and oso emotional connection...

the sharing of feelings and views about things in my life makes me truly happy. had been reading on the 5 languages of love...i tink i blogged about this before... i tink it's really true.. out of the 5 languages...all expresses love of cuz. and one wld feel happy wif any of the expressions... BUT there is 1 language that speaks directly to your heart and that is the one that will make you truly happy and truly loved... that is the primary language for you.

conversely if everything was done in all languages, except the language which u feel the most for...you still would be spent. with a empty love tank, you cannot love.

i read the book on the 5 languages... i tot i blogged about it but when I went back to my posts, I cldn't find any... so i guess i will juz say it now... when i was reading the real-life stories in the book... i cried... i guess if i had read this book earlier, perhaps things would not have come to this stage... it might have ended before i sign on the dotted line.. or things might have improved with higher awareness.. or i wld have stopped the mistake from happening... the more i read, the more sad..but gaining in awareness...is a good thing... it helps in interaction with everyone around me.

i condensed it to a short para...i cld hv said more i guess.. but now not really into that anymore.. i hv gained the knowledge.

anyway...after the recent toks i had, i still feel he doesn't understand how i feel and wat i went thru. which will be difficult. even after reading the book which i bought for him too... to connect emotionally with someone who has not connected emotionally before is mission impossible.. esp when the love tank is empty... on top of my own empty tank, i hv lost faith in him ever understanding how i feel... thus i am very sure i can't work this out...w/o him speaking my lang and me unable to speak his... will be having another tok with him soon...

back to my work...i have spent quite a long time writing.. :( sigh.. no ideas at all. perhaps shld pack up and ask someone for advice tml. haha...