Some time ago, i wrote an email to a columnist from the now-defunct free newspaper "Streats". Her name is Janice Wong...she has since moved to work in The Straits Times, writing for its Life! Section and ST's Thursday complementary paper, Urban. I still love reading what she writes. On Jan 31, 2005, she wrote this article titled "When Mr Right comes at the wrong time" - Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it...
I know the article is like old news? I first read it in the online version of ST, went back a few times to re-read plus I have gotten it on email a few times too. *Shows that there are others out there who likes wat she writes too!*
I tink it made a lot of sense to me...*Janice's article always made me feel like she's writing about her life..as well as mine...* Only the details and the people are changed.
I have met someone who was similarly matured and all-ready to settle down. I was in Uni 1st year. Young and impressionable...I was eager to experience life to the fullest...Had some puppy love relationship in JC, some made-believe infactuation in the period between JC and Uni via internet *I was one of the pioneer in internet love? :þ*, some 'love' based on face value - as in really face value, meaning looks...boyfriend was my pageant partner who was in Manhunt...was not bad looking. :) didn't last long though...
Next came this guy...he was quite a prominent figure in the faculty. Earnest-looking, good build, caring, matured and tolerant...was how i can best describe him. He was quite a good boyfriend, except that he sometimes got too busy with skoolwork and ECA commitments. I didn't really minded that much since I also had my own activities...we got along very well, except for the times tt i was unhappy and threw tantrums. He was mostly tolerant...I dun tink i can recall many occasions that he was angry wif me... When I am angry...I wld walk away silently as i wasn't the kind who scream and shout in public, he wld follow behind me always until I calmed down... He was the dependable pillar in my life, helping me cope wif life and skoolwork during Uni...he was wif me during some trying times where I made mistakes *which some other bfs might not forgive...* He forgave me without hesitation. I dunno y he did that though. I dun tink I ever asked.
As time went by, I tink *as most people does* I started to take him for granted. Take such tolerance and such mild-temperness for granted. Started to abuse them....and even started to find him and our lifestyle boring... I tink the breaking point was reached when he started working and had even less time for me... I was young...I needed attention...He used to be able to shower me wif alot of attention during skool times.. Now he cldn't... And I resisted it...resisted the times tt he cldn't be wif me...And like Janice, I was still tinking of meeting other guys and how rs wif them wld be like...
In the end, we broke up...due to a third party... that was a guy who cld be wif me all the time. All i can say was tt. Though, ironically, I din get together wif the other guy in the end either. Weird philosophy of mine is that if i cld like two people at the same time, this means that I dun like either of them enuff...i still believed in this.
After that, I went thru 2 more turbulent rs...exciting but tiring...very unstable and volatile.. Filled wif arguments and disagreements...Inability to compromise...
I started to tink back to the times that i had wif him...Those peaceful dayz... If only I was more matured, If only I was more tolerant of the low times... If only...if only...Then i would still be wif him...maybe...maybe not... rs, love is too unpredictable...
I have since put the rs behind me...love's really about timing, isn't it? He has gotten married last year to a beautiful bride *i haven't met her personally but heard fr frens who had bumped into them* I am glad for him, though now i regretted not attending his wedding. I was still nursing some fresh wounds from a previous rs and didn't tink I was able to take the agony of seeing an ex getting married.... That was quite a mistake as it's really a once-in-a-lifetime event. He invited me verbally, I told him i cldn't make it... Tinking back, I tink he had really wanted to share his joy wif me but I declined... Must have been a disappointment for him.
Wonder if i were to invite him to my own wedding, wld he be magnanimous enuff to attend even though i was so totlessly selfish when he held his? I might not even invite him though, I have to be totful of my future hubby's feelings.
He had commented in the past that he can never understand how I tink experiencing life is in the form of experiencing many rs... I'm not sure either but wat i can be sure of is that even though I might not have enjoyed all the times i spent in the various rs, they are wat infuenced me and made me the way i am today. They made me who I am today...I used to be much more wilful and selfish...either age or the failures in rs have mellowed me... but I guess I am a much better person after all those and i always believed that the end-result is always the most impt. The process, i guess, is juz not always pleasant or enjoyable...
I'm now looking firmly at my future. I had my share of relationshop troubles and fun...and am ready to settle down wif someone whom I love and treasure. I am grateful for life hasn't been too cruel to me, I still found someone who treasures me like he did. Someone who's as mild-tempered and caring. But more youthful and playful. I guess that should keep the fire burning... Even if there are low times, I have learnt that patience is the best remedy for almost anything in life... life is all about timing rite? and life is waiting... waiting for the rite things to happen at the rite times... for the best things in life have yet to come.. :)
Cheers to the best things in life that have yet to come...
