Mixed feelings...

Met Marcus for lunch! he's doing well in his career now, mostly cuz of his own effort and resourcefulness! which is great. i tink he has changed a great deal in recent yrs/mths... more and more of a go-getter nowadays...which is good cuz tt's how u get ahead in life, and work...etc...

but i tink my reaction to his successes was lukewarm...not because i am not happy for him! trust me, i am...juz tt as i am listening to him, i can't help tinking abt myself and how my career is not gg anywhr...i feel.

have tot of toking to someone who can advise me on wat kind of job i might be suitable for actually... cuz i feel, till now...none of the jobs i have had interest me very much. it's mostly juz ok...not like OOoooOOhhh i love my job kind! sigh...

so how? who can i tok to? anyone to recommend?

not everything can be compared...

during the day, thr was a conversation whr someone said i cldn't hv felt much sorrow before, considering how i behave and my personality... it stemmed from an entry i wrote last wk abt being overpowered by my emotions...

din really wanna argue wif her...even though i felt wei qu.. and i wasn't prepared to share my experiences anyway...so no point to juz say that i had been really miserable before. so juz left it. but i knew i had to blog... though ppl involved, pls dun see too much into this blog. this is more of an outlet for me to express my feelings and thoughts..

i know i had been v hurt before. i admit tt it might not be the worst experience but definitely not smtg tt everyone cld survived from. it took me quite a long period of time. and help fr many frens. i was down for a mth...everyday only waking up to work. when i get home, it's straight back to room. except to eat. but some might say 1 mth is not a long time. i guess i juz am not the kind who stays down. juz not my character. but even though i went out more...i was emotionally scarred. this hurt took longer to recover fr.

i believe that everything tt happens, happens for a reason. must learn fr them, good or bad experiences. tt's prob y i cld hv recovered. and wif the help of close frens of cuz. but it's really mostly cuz i wanted to help myself gt out of the darkness i was in at tt time.

i have frens who fall and stay down... preferring to stay tt way. i cannot understand y...and much as i wanna help them...i can't when they dun help themselves... in the end i can only give up and i dun even feel sorry for them because they landed themselves in tt shit. i got out of tt before. i know.

i'm not trying to mean i am v li hai. juz tt i tink even if smtg is difficult, as long as u put enuff effort..it will somehow work out. u wll emerge as a stronger person as well. instead of always hiding in the darkness. in self-pity.

and anyway, i really prefer to be the cheerful person tt i am. it's not tt i hv not been down, but i try to pick myself up quickly.. can't stay down too long...

so everyone...gotta stay cheerful and optimistic ok? ;)

need to be inspire...

i keep having the feeling that i need to be inspired!

cuz i wan to work harder. i tink i hv the potential to achieve more than i am achieving now. juz tink tt way.

but maybe i need a book? an opportunity? a mentor? something to trigger tt spark in me.

getting v lazy. too bz to tink. too bz to rest. too bz. tired. sigh...

now reading this book... 5 people u meet in heaven. hoping to get some meaning from the book.

i'm juz the kind who seek meaning in life. not the kind who can juz work and work. even though i said i wanna work harder la...

Happy Birthday to MEEEE!

it's the last few mins of my birthday liao... i am now officially 27 yrs old. quite old... :(

BUT i tink i had a very nice, enjoyable birthday. although simple. but nice. and full of surprises. some i knew was coming. some i didn't. but every single thing that happened, i felt loved and remembered. especially by my dear.

he's not the most attentive guy on earth. but he took great pains to plan things. even made a strawberry cheesecake for me. (though look like some chinese kueh! haha!!!) it's his first, so i can excuse that! and he actually did things behind my back to arrange for some things. communicate wif my family. i tink it's good! i mean it's nice that he can comm well wif my family. it's impt to me tt my family likes my guy too. not the topmost criteria but impt. then thr's lotsa food today. jap buffet for lunch. ktv whr i was surprised by frens joining us. then korean for dinner.

thr were a couple of msgs too! both fr ppl i always meet and seldom meet. I am thankful that these sweet folks remembered me on my birthday! really! BUT thr were one too many msgs which also included THE qn! "when am i getting married?" hahaha... As i hv always replied, i dunno. it's really when THE guy is going to pop THY question... ya? so we'll see. And thr was this fren who insisted that he wld do it today! haha... to which he replied that it's too un-original to do it today! hehe... so funny!

i prob shld go offline soon cuz had bz bz weekend... and tml's gonna be bz at work, i foresee! need rest...and bz wk ahead too. many invigilation evenings. *faintz*

juz wanna thank all though who remembered and made me feel so loved! i am most grateful for all ya frens and relatives....and esp my dear!

lastly...happy birthday to me for the last time this year! And hoping that the coming year will be v smooth for me, in terms of work, love, family..etc... and most impt of all, be happy and healthy! :)

Bless me and all!! :)

Overpowered....

I wonder y but some memories came over me juz now..when i was in the car.. sad ones which nearly brought tears to my eyes...but the tears wldn't come maybe i'm numb..time heals but memories stay..

i wonder how i can still be the way i am now in spite of the sorrow i had felt before. i tink i am rather amazing, considering my past experiences.. still able to stay cheerful and optimistic. And i know they are real feelings too. not that i am trying to smile and hide all my pain.

learning to treasure whatever i can have and to enjoy the simplest things in life made me a better person. not to forget a person who loves me for me, takes good care of me (and my hamsters), forgives me as fast as i loses my temper, and does all the silly things wif me.

i thank whoever is up there for all that I have now and for the strength to walk away from the hurt in the past.

I dun tink i am v coherent today but the above sort of expresses how i am feeling at the moment.

writing is a good way to vent feelings... feel much better, though somehow a good cry would have work greater wonders...

Totally blessed and Surrounded by Wonderful Frens!

i really got that feeling...very strongly today...

I had a surprise bday celebration today in office by my new colleagues... they are SO sweet!! really...i din expect them to... but they did...and it was so early.. my bday is 21st May, next sun btw... but precisely cuz it's so early, i din anticipate at all!!!!

but i really really tink they r very sweet and kind...thoughtful!

Although i have always attached great importance to my bday....or bdays for tt matter... i wldn't expect colleagues to celebrate for me... AND my boss was so paiseh, cuz she say she dun even know my bday... which i wasn't v surprised...

*falling aslp...another time thrn...*

Con't on 15th May...
Anywayz...tt's abt all la...had a cake, some sparkling juice... was nice and sweet of them. juz simple things but enuff to make me v happy for the rest of the day...

At nite, after class, went to drinks wif 2 of my jap class classmates... i guess it's going to be a routine thingy we'll do whenever fri's a PH.. hehe... but v fun la. though tiring...considering i woke up at 6plus on thu morning. had lotsa fun chatting wif them and hearing interesting things from them... cuz our backgrd all quite diff. i still dunno them v v well but starting to know them better, i guess..

all in all...it was a nice thu.. enjoyed myself very much! ;)

Continued from previous blog...

Anyway...so we were stuck at the place... AND so i decided to make the most out of it... GOT a table where we can finally hv some space to sit...and also to put our drinks... AND painstakingly ordered drinks.. was V difficult as they r thais....no speak english ne.... after much gesturing and pointing pointing... finally got a bottle of vodka and 7-up and the glasses... I was v pleased with myself for the feat! haha...

And mostly went well after... although they started playing the sabo before the drinks came oso... haha.. CW was in those wings, tiara and wand outfit...did i mention? haha.. quite pretty...and she was v sporting to agree to wearing them for the whole nite....

the most surpising thing tt nite was how mad Elena can get! hehe.... she was totally out of sorts tt nite.. kept pouring shots and toasting everyone and getting us to toast cw as well... and she cld dance.. First time i seen her dance... haha... not too bad :þ

it did end well...i tot... although the bride-to-be and the little mad girl vomited...haha... drank too much, really...too many shots definitely.. :þ

Many happenings...

been so long since i wrote... abt 1 mth... means I've also been on this job for more than 1 mth now. getting more used to things ard here... colleagues still nice and getting closer... --> writing this cuz some colleague read my blog! hehe...no la...really NICE and really CLOSER ma...!!! :þ

anywayz...think the short time spent here has made me fatter!!! I have grown more fleshy...i know..and frens told me too... frequent snack breaks are a norm in my office...and lunch is also ta bao, so no exercise during the day ANF my BKK trip last wk din help things... cheap and good food are hard to resist! had shark's fins and bird's nest... haha...at the recommendation of friends!

at the work front, i tink i need more time to really understand how the whole system works and also because it's still evolving...things r still changing...

maybe i shld tok more abt my BKK trip... actually it's quite normal la... shop and eat are the main activities when u r in tt city... but it's a hen's party trip, so of cuz the highlight this time is the hen! hehe...no la...the bride-to-be's bachelorette party...which includes 1 guy...he was there to act as our bodyguard, though he was obviously skiving on the job, cuz he keep telling us how hot the thai girls look...hehe... :þ and he commented that they mostly look more wild than s'pore girls... is tt true? I tot they acted similar...i mean girls under influence of alcohol normally act in a certain way la...isn't it?

for the 'party'..the start was real bad! i mean the venue was great! it's called route 66, supposed to be a v happening club in BKK at the moment, (although we had planned to go bed supperclub initially, plans changed while we were thr..) the people looked great, the music sounds ok...there are 3 different areas, i tink... one house, one hip hop/ R & B...and one live band...

it rained! tt was the party spoiler... and the venue was too crowded, no tables inside and the tables outside are all wet... and the rain continued for v long...so even if we had wanted to switch clubs, it was impossible.. so we were stuck in...

-To be continued -