Another one about Love

I am so obsessed with this recently rite? Cuz I think i dun understand it at all. Dun understand a lot of things that is happening in my life recently.

I guess i know why they happened. how they happened. wat happened. But there are still things I dunno. Confusing again.

Anyway...there is this part about self love before you can love someone else...

Wat is the difference between self love and selfish? I mean of cuz they are different. But I'm more wondering whr's the fine line that divides the 2?

When u love yourself too much, you become selfish cuz you keep thinking about yourself rite? But is that also stemming from real self love? I prob got to read up on this.

There is 1 thing I think I know about self love...is that you are secure with yourself and you can be an independent person. You do not NEED another person to be with you to give you an identity. Rite?

I feel many people do not have this nowadays. I sometimes feel i dun too. Many ppl can't love themselves so find someone else to love them.

I know i like to be needed. And i oso need someone to be with me. I realised that long time ago. After a few breakups and rebounds etc...I decided that I need a break (at least 6 months) between relationships. To fully recover from the hurt and get myself ready to love and be love again.

But I think sometimes I dun fully recover.

When you get into a rs rite after a broken one, you bring your old baggages into the new rs. and sabotage it before it can even start. Old unkept promises start to haunt this rs. Grievences about the old bf corrupts ur mind and causes you to place restrictions on the new one...

Not justifiable rite? So I avoid that..once I know it's happening to me. Although I still fall into the trap of having someone wif me. mostly a fren...and most of the time, guy fren. and oso many a time, this guy is probably interested in me. how pathetic rite?

Why can't I just be alone for a while? You know, juz live life simply..do my own things...read, run..etc... be happy wif myself. Have I ever been able to do that before?

*paused to think*

Sadly, no.. ok..maybe. yes..but the period of time is always too short. After breakups..i am normally out wif frens a lot. party a lot. shop a lot. juz keep doing things to occupy myself. Cuz emotions are hard to control. and mind wanders.

I have very diff coping styles for the few breakups i had too. There was 1 particularly bad one, I was in bed for ard 1 mth... juz work and home. din really go out. and when i get hm, it's straight to room and on bed. Another one, I was still constantly complaining about the rs and the bf till i myself got SO tired of hearing everything and i stopped. And tt's the end of it.

But most of the time, there was a guy somewhr waiting for me to recover. i really shld learn how to get on my own feet w/o the assurance of having someone NEED me... I really want to. and need to.