change of pathway?

i had my appraisal today. it was good, considering I had only half my heart at work for a while, due to other things happening in my life and me shifting my focus to family and friends, trying to work some balance into my life...

the past year had been tough...both at work and at home. i'm glad i survived..and somewhat stronger than before...

what i wanted to say today is...not really the above...

i just had this tot -
though my appraisal is quite okay and i know my services are still valued in the organisation...somehow i feel my calling is somewhere else...

though i tink i do quite well in administration and can even say i quite natural can handle details and am quite meticulous...somehow i feel unsatisfied with the current portfolio i'm holding...

is it the people i am coming into contact with, the information i see everyday that is influencing me in the path i might choose?

smtg not many people know...

i like children...not in the way other people like children...the in-the-face kind...mine is really quite subtle...i like watching them, observing them..

in a way, i tink i am not a natural with kids, i dun really play v well with them, is too concerned about discipline most of the time... =(

but i wan to go into early childhood education... is this strange? oso, i heard the money is not tt good...

and i hv also been interested in areas such as special needs/learning disabilities... and would like to go into those areas...

i'm afraid though...
1) fear of failure..tt i would realise it's not my cuppa after all
2) lack of patience with these kids... i know i would need tons of these
3) fear of the unknown... has always been the kind who stick with usual, norms...

will i find the courage to step into the unknown?

time to gather information...

another thing - i would really miss current workplace, the people i work with and also the school i helped to build...and possibly a stable job where progression is rather possible...