Ultimate Confusion...

I am going mad...tt's an understatement...i'm going more than mad...worse than mad...

I dunno wat to do wif myself...

Y is it that suddenly...without any warning at all...i lose sight of everything... seems nothing i do interests me... everything seems pointless...

work is pointless...has always been...but i try to add meaning....sometimes my own meaning... i lost tt ability these few days...

i hv lost sight of wat i wan to achieve in my work....or has thr been any?

my job is easy...v little brain needed...and not much to do, or maybe i am efficient... and it pays well... wat more can a person ask for?

BUT it has become so routine...so mundane...i need challenges...yet i am hesitant...i do not hv confidence in handling another job... i hv been made braindead by this job... a machine tt takes instructions... 20 yrs of education wasted...

I tell people that i wld like to go into something in the service industry... does tt require a degree? most of the time, no... :( then i hv wasted all my time spent paper chasing...

i like retail...like the way u only get to interact wif a customer for a short time, but need to make an impression and satisfy the customer in tt same short time. But to become a salesgirl, i tink my family wld tink i am mad.

i tink hotel line is interesting...but heard of all the bitching...and another thing, everyone who gets into this industry works fr the bottom... thus degree or not, makes no difference again... :( another stupid decision....

someone asked me to go be a model...i tink the person see me too up! i am not tall/skinny/pretty enuff...

wat can i do?

another thing...the unsatisfaction with work has spilled over to personal life...or other areas of my life... i am generally unhappy...moody...reflected in my msn nick and all over my face... no mood...no energy....can't do anything else...

this might oso be due to general fatigue...cause: hectic social life to make up for boring working life... and recent ill health...which might be a cause or an effect of all the above...

so wat shld i do?

options
- stay and rot in current job. wait for them to find out how idle i am and fire me...
- look for a more challenging job and find tt i am not up to it...and regret leaving current cushy job...resign and come back begging...
- exhaust my brain by tinking so much and end up at woodbridge...

so wat am i going to do?